A Public Service Announcement

     Well, I was bored the other day, so I decided to clean out my backpack. Inside I found a really awesome thing called a dual diffraction grating. Basically it breaks normal light out into it's different components, or the spectrum of light. The resulting image of looking through the grating at light is pretty awesome. For example, this is a picture of our Christmas tree.

And this is the tree looking through the diffraction grating

     So I showed this to my dad and he said it reminded him a bit of those old Public Service announcements. They all followed the same format. It would show a picture of something, say this is your brain. Then it would do something to said object and say it was your brain on drugs. Don't do drugs. The example he used was an egg. The Public Service announcement showed the egg and said it was your brain. Next it showed scrambled eggs, and say it was your brain of drugs, don't do drugs.

So this is your brain

This is your brain on drugs

Doesn't the second one look like a lot more fun? But seriously don't do drugs...

Nice To Meat You

Hey there humans! (I'm assuming that's what you are if you're reading this...)

Anyway, I was thinking. Meat is great. I definitely could not live without it. I don't think anyone could, seeing as we're all made of meat. There's some other stuff in there, like souls and emotions and useless things like that, but meat is definitely what holds us together. It's our foundation. In fact, it should be utilized in our language more. There are plenty of instances where using "meat" in our daily language would be perfectly prudent.

                               (Found this on the Internet^)

Or, instead of saying "I'm hot", you could say "I'm bacon". Much better, I know. Genius even. Get it? You're not really "bacon", you're "baking"...

Don't make fun of me. You were thinking the same thing. The other day....

Well anyway, why don't we talk about our favorite types of meat. There's ham, steak, bacon, lunch meat, turkey, salami, bologna (BULLOGNA), aaaaaand probably some other types. My favorite?
Oh that's easy. My favorite meat is... dead meat.
 I look at cows, peacefully grazing in the pasture, mouths full of mushy chewed grass. The sun sets behind them in a brilliant blaze of oranges and soft pink hues, the fading light glints off the cows and their big, brown eyes.*Congratulations, if you are the first one reading this, that means you win! To get the songs, send me an email to dramaticpicnictable@gmail.com and I will send you the two songs! (In order to gift the songs, I have to have an email address, I promise we won't spam you with a whole bunch of emails)  A normal person may appreciate the beauty of such a moment, but since I'm basically an immortal lizard man with an abysmal black hole for a heart, all I see is a big, fat blob of meat. Meat with legs is all cows are. I would draw you all a lovely picture of this scene...
If I actually cared about any of you, that is.

Actually, that brings up a good point... If our world and society was based upon MEAT... I may not be able to contain myself. I may find myself attacking and subsequently trying to eat any poor innocent sap who comes across my path. And that would not be good... (I've heard it's unhealthy for humans to eat human flesh). My health could be in question!

You're right, this is a bad idea. I really don't know why I would ever think of such a thing! But, of course, we all make mistakes.

We're all meat, right?

Words I hate Volume 1

There are some words I hate. I don’t always know why I hate them. I don’t know if this will actually be a continuous series. But I will keep you informed as more words I hate come up. So I guess that kind of makes it a series…I just don’t know how well I will fulfill this, so don’t take it as a promise, but more of a threat.

This episode’s word (only one this time…I think most will only have one word) is ‘rural’. 

When I realized I hate this word: At a lovely dinner date. (Sadie’s)

Why I hate this word: I guess I tried to use it in a sentence (I know, my vocabulary is quite advanced) and my mouth could not make that word sound right. That is why I hate it. It never sounds right. Quite a few people on the dinner date also tried to say ‘rural’. Still, it always sounds off. Like you are Scooby-doo, gargling marbles, or just special.

There are some words that you can own. They just snap off of the tongue, and you sound confident and authoritative. Like the word ‘rustic’. Upon hearing that word, I immediately picture a golden field with a cottage in Northern Italy. Mountains are in the distance with grape vines flowing down their sides. The ‘rus’ at the beginning is quickly deployed, and beautifully complimented by the ‘tic’ sound. the ‘tic’ is sharp and somewhat aggressive, yet the word is so passive in meaning.
There is a reason I picked the word ‘rustic’. Apparently, originally, ‘rustic’ and ‘rural’ actually had the SAME FREAKING MEANING. How did such opposites mean the same thing once? 

‘Rural’ probably was dropped as a child. Then picked apart by crabs.


It’s even in comic sans…

Just go ahead and say ‘rural’ a few times. While you are at it, go ahead and say ‘whirl’. Those words do not look that much alike. But they sound pretty close to me. My quarrel (see what I did there?) is not with the latter word. It is with ‘rural’. I don’t think many people can make that word sound right.


And I know I put the punctuation outside of the quotation marks (Personal preference).