Nice To Meat You

Hey there humans! (I'm assuming that's what you are if you're reading this...)

Anyway, I was thinking. Meat is great. I definitely could not live without it. I don't think anyone could, seeing as we're all made of meat. There's some other stuff in there, like souls and emotions and useless things like that, but meat is definitely what holds us together. It's our foundation. In fact, it should be utilized in our language more. There are plenty of instances where using "meat" in our daily language would be perfectly prudent.

                               (Found this on the Internet^)

Or, instead of saying "I'm hot", you could say "I'm bacon". Much better, I know. Genius even. Get it? You're not really "bacon", you're "baking"...

Don't make fun of me. You were thinking the same thing. The other day....

Well anyway, why don't we talk about our favorite types of meat. There's ham, steak, bacon, lunch meat, turkey, salami, bologna (BULLOGNA), aaaaaand probably some other types. My favorite?
Oh that's easy. My favorite meat is... dead meat.
 I look at cows, peacefully grazing in the pasture, mouths full of mushy chewed grass. The sun sets behind them in a brilliant blaze of oranges and soft pink hues, the fading light glints off the cows and their big, brown eyes.*Congratulations, if you are the first one reading this, that means you win! To get the songs, send me an email to dramaticpicnictable@gmail.com and I will send you the two songs! (In order to gift the songs, I have to have an email address, I promise we won't spam you with a whole bunch of emails)  A normal person may appreciate the beauty of such a moment, but since I'm basically an immortal lizard man with an abysmal black hole for a heart, all I see is a big, fat blob of meat. Meat with legs is all cows are. I would draw you all a lovely picture of this scene...
If I actually cared about any of you, that is.

Actually, that brings up a good point... If our world and society was based upon MEAT... I may not be able to contain myself. I may find myself attacking and subsequently trying to eat any poor innocent sap who comes across my path. And that would not be good... (I've heard it's unhealthy for humans to eat human flesh). My health could be in question!

You're right, this is a bad idea. I really don't know why I would ever think of such a thing! But, of course, we all make mistakes.

We're all meat, right?