There was three of us altogether working on this project. Let’s say their names are Kenan and Josh (the first names I could think of). It is Kenan’s house that needs the carpet ripped out. Josh is another friend that agreed to help.
Kenan called me on my way there and asked if I could buy some dust masks. So I stopped by Home Depot and bought some that looked exactly like this (on the packaging that is).
When I got to Kenan’s house, I opened the masks and realized that every single one had a hole in it. I already hated Home Depot, now I hate it even more! Those masks were like almost $3 total! (I would love to tell you the reason why I hate Home Depot, but It doesn’t really fit in with the story I am telling. Maybe later…)
Despite our lack of masks, we bravely ventured forth in our quest to rip out the carpet.
We actually ripped out the main carpet very quickly and with little injuries. We just got some dust in our lungs (CURSE YOU HOME DEPOT!), and Kenan stabbed himself with a hoe (the gardening kind).
Underneath the carpet was a thin layer of padding that did not look too formidable. But oh were we wrong…
The padding was glued to the concrete underneath and would barely come off. We tried using garden spades, snow shovels, multiple chemicals, a weed whacker, and even a flamethrower!
Okay…we didn’t actually use a flamethrower, because we couldn’t find one.
We were at this for a while, and we were getting nowhere, so Kenan decided to call Home Depot for advice (The same Home Depot that sold me faulty dust masks). They told him about something called “GOOF OFF”. It is an anti-adhesive that supposedly works on carpet padding. I wanted to call Lowe’s for a second opinion but Kenan just wanted to go to Home Depot and buy the crap, so we did.
Lesson of the day: always read the directions and warnings before you use new chemicals.
This is what the Goof off looked like.
Sorry but most of my pictures will be pretty fuzzy for the rest of the post. I couldn’t get the pictures from my phone onto my computer, so I had to take a picture of the picture and then use that instead. PICTURECEPTION!
We were then faced with the dilemma of how to distribute the Goof Off evenly across the entire floor. Eventually, I came up with the great idea of putting all of the Goof Off into a watering can and pouring it onto the floor.
(That is not me. it is “Kenan”)
The Goof off smelled really bad. Have you ever played with this?
(picture from www.flickriver.com)
If you have, then you know that it has a very distinct smell. If you haven't, then just imagine your own very strange smell. Now take that smell and multiply the strength by about 10,000! Now it is so strong that your head fells dizzy, and your throat and nostrils are burning!
The Goof Off did not work very well. The worst part was that you couldn’t stay inside for very long, and each time you went back inside from taking a break, the smell got even worse. Eventually, it got to the point where Josh and I were just standing outside watching Kenan slam a hoe into the ground repeatedly (Yes, still the gardening kind).
Eventually, the smell spread throughout the entire house, so we were exiled to outside. That is where I finally read the can of Goof Off.
Now I will show you the reason why you should always read the warnings on the bottle before you use it.
Yes it is sideways. Here is what it says.
The first part is something about it being “EXTREMELY FLAMMABLE” or something, but that doesn’t matter, so I am skipping to the middle.
USE ONLY WITH ADEQUATE VENTILATION TO PREVENT BUILDUP OF VAPORS. Do not use in areas where vapors can accumulate and concentrate such as basements, bathrooms, and small enclosed areas. If using indoors open all windows and doors and maintain a cross ventilation of moving fresh air across the work area. If strong odor is noticed or you experience slight dizziness – STOP – ventilation is inadequate. Leave area immediately. IF THE WORK AREA IS NOT WELL VENTILATED, DO NOT USE THIS PRODUCT. A dust mask does not provide protection against vapors.
oops…
Actually, most of that I hadn’t even read before I typed it out. I am a lot more scared now. My only consolation is that Home Depot wouldn’t of saved us if they sold me functional dust masks. Of course they did sell us the item that could potentially kill us, but some may say it is our own fault for not reading the directions first.
Here is the next part.
DANGER! HARMFUL OR FATAL IF SWALLOWED. VAPOR HARMFUL. EYE IRRITANT. Contains Acetone and Xylene. Reports have associated repeated and prolonged overexposure to solvents with neurological and other physiological damage. Intentional misuse of this product by deliberately concentrating and inhaling vapors can be harmful or fatal. Avoid contact with eyes and contact with skin. Avoid breathing of vapors or mist and contact with skin, eyes, and clothing. Do not take internally. WARNING: Using this product will expose you to chemicals which are known to the State of California to cause cancer and reproductive harm (it’s a good thing I don’t live in California).
oops…
In case you were wondering, none of us swallowed any of the Goof Off. We are stupid but not that stupid. But that is just about the only rule that we followed…
So the way I figure is this.
Best case scenario: paranoia about every little thing that is wrong with me for the next few days until I forget about all of this. For example, I am really itchy right now, my stomach hurts, my head hurts, my throat feels weird, and I think I can still smell the Goof Off even though I am miles away from Kenan’s house. Maybe I am just imagining all of this, or maybe I am dying soon.
Worst case scenario: physiological damage/no children/Cancer/Death
Uh oh…I just coughed…that can’t be good.
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