You know when you go for a walk down a gravel road? You may be walking a dog, or speed-walking your way to the Olympics, or maybe you just want to enjoy the fresh air and the birds singing in the trees, when suddenly, you realize that there’s a rock in your shoe? How the heck does that even happen? I decided to delve deep within my mind to come up with a couple probable explanations for this natural (or unnatural) phenomenon.
Possibility 1
Billions of years ago, a race of tiny alien gnomes invaded earth. A few years passed and our ancestors saw that the gnomes nearly covered the entire world.(It helps that the average female gnome gives birth to about 40 gnome babies every month). Our ancestors became worried that these gnomes would become too powerful, so they attacked, and killed millions. The gnomes had no choice but to surrender. Our ancestors then banished the survivors to live underground. Little do we know that most of the outer layer of the earth’s crust is now inhabited by these gnomes’ descendants.
And there they live, slowly claiming their revenge one tiny rock at a time.
Possibility 2
Rocks are actually just magical creatures in disguise. These creatures have the ability to know exactly when anything is looking at them, and they can only take their true form when no one is looking. Obviously there is no way that I could know exactly what these “rock creatures” would look like…perhaps something majestic?
(picture from www.teamjimmyjoe.com)
No…probably not…
Most likely, these magical rock creatures would be horrifying. I am not talking about something just a little bit scary like “the expressionless”. No, I am talking about something extremely terrifying, something that should be outlawed to even talk about, something that would cause your eyes to burn right out of their sockets if you were to even catch a glimpse of one in real life. Yes I am talking about…
…Gingers with Afros!
Oh the humanity!
Disclaimer: No one here at the Dramatic Picnic Table has anything against gingers (except for maybe Thor) regardless of whether they have souls or not. This was posted purely for comedic reasons.
But seriously, gingers should never have afros.
Anyway, back to the rocks in the shoes thing…
The magical gingers with afros are unfortunately extremely territorial. When we trespass on their property they climb into our shoes and relentlessly attack. Later when we check our shoes, all we see are small rocks.
So there you have it, the most probable explanations for why we get rocks in our shoes. Feel free to adopt my ideas, or come up with your own (even though mine are probably better).
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